It's time for freakshakes to die: 13 food pet peeves we all share
Don’t sweat the small stuff, you say? That’s the very stuff that gets us going, writes Matt Preston, as he rounds up our pet peeves and throws in a few of his own.
We live in an age of outrages. Outrage begets even more outrage until we end up in a spiral of wild-eyed, mouth-frothing angst. So what’s getting everyone in such a state? I asked our team to share what they’re outraged about and found that it’s sometimes the little things that really niggle. So taxi, please, for these culinary affectations (or afflictions) that have to go.
Secretly changing chips
Let me start with the fearful news that in an effort to move away from less desirable (though tasty) ingredients, some chip brands have started to rely increasingly on yeast extract. You might not notice this while you’re snacking in front of a particularly gripping episode of The Chase, say, but I know and I’d rather keep my yeast extract in my Vegemite, thank you.
Let me start with the fearful news that in an effort to move away from less desirable (though tasty) ingredients, some chip brands have started to rely increasingly on yeast extract. You might not notice this while you’re snacking in front of a particularly gripping episode of The Chase, say, but I know and I’d rather keep my yeast extract in my Vegemite, thank you.
Chip-stacking
Still on chips, some manufacturers are encouraging people to stack different-flavoured chips together, such as cheddar with barbecue and smoky bacon for a cheeseburger effect. Stop it. It doesn’t taste like a cheeseburger, Portuguese chicken or whatever it is your marketing team is claiming.
Still on chips, some manufacturers are encouraging people to stack different-flavoured chips together, such as cheddar with barbecue and smoky bacon for a cheeseburger effect. Stop it. It doesn’t taste like a cheeseburger, Portuguese chicken or whatever it is your marketing team is claiming.
Flowers
In a vase only, please; not all over the food, unless they’re there for flavour (like peppery nasturtium flowers).
In a vase only, please; not all over the food, unless they’re there for flavour (like peppery nasturtium flowers).
Keto
The frustration is almost palpable when Courier Mail food maven Anooska Tucker-Evans shares this bugbear: “The reason the keto diet works is because you’re not allowed to eat chocolate, chips, lollies and other heavily processed foods. Cut those out and, of course, you’re going to lose weight. It’s common sense, not some keto magic.”
The frustration is almost palpable when Courier Mail food maven Anooska Tucker-Evans shares this bugbear: “The reason the keto diet works is because you’re not allowed to eat chocolate, chips, lollies and other heavily processed foods. Cut those out and, of course, you’re going to lose weight. It’s common sense, not some keto magic.”
Lukewarm oysters
Delicious. supremo Kerrie McCallum can’t abide oysters being served without a bed of ice. Who wants tepid molluscs?
Delicious. supremo Kerrie McCallum can’t abide oysters being served without a bed of ice. Who wants tepid molluscs?
Boxing phones
What’s with some restaurants asking people to deposit their mobile in a box before sitting down for dinner? Is this another incarnation of snobbery about taking Instagram shots? This also gets our leader’s goat. “I get that some people (ie, some bloggers) are over the top, but people taking a shot to share with their friends is free marketing,” says McCallum.
What’s with some restaurants asking people to deposit their mobile in a box before sitting down for dinner? Is this another incarnation of snobbery about taking Instagram shots? This also gets our leader’s goat. “I get that some people (ie, some bloggers) are over the top, but people taking a shot to share with their friends is free marketing,” says McCallum.
More simplicity, please
Why does everything have to be so tricksy? What’s wrong with a skilfully cooked piece of fish and a salad?
Why does everything have to be so tricksy? What’s wrong with a skilfully cooked piece of fish and a salad?
Freakshakes should die
Just when you hoped that Franken freakshake nightmare was wheezing its way to an inglorious end along came the horrific-looking deep-fried jam doughnut cocktail from Adelaide’s aptly named Chuck Wagon 175. “Could they take all the OTT doughnuts with them?” begs Advertiser food guru Jessica Galletly. “Who wants an oversized ring of fried dough pumped with chocolate mousse, then smothered in sugar and choc bars?” Don’t answer that even if your inner piglet is screaming “Me!”
Just when you hoped that Franken freakshake nightmare was wheezing its way to an inglorious end along came the horrific-looking deep-fried jam doughnut cocktail from Adelaide’s aptly named Chuck Wagon 175. “Could they take all the OTT doughnuts with them?” begs Advertiser food guru Jessica Galletly. “Who wants an oversized ring of fried dough pumped with chocolate mousse, then smothered in sugar and choc bars?” Don’t answer that even if your inner piglet is screaming “Me!”
Insta-food
Clickbait food is Jessica’s biggest pet peeve, from the whole “OMG, MI GORENG BURGERS EXIST” to posts on anything with gin or Nutella. At this point I might look away a little shame-faced (Ed’s note: er, us, too). “Why do you need to put gold leaf on a pizza or dye your Hollandaise blue?” she asks and we all nod sympathetically at some of the more recent South Australian Insta-foodexcesses.
Clickbait food is Jessica’s biggest pet peeve, from the whole “OMG, MI GORENG BURGERS EXIST” to posts on anything with gin or Nutella. At this point I might look away a little shame-faced (Ed’s note: er, us, too). “Why do you need to put gold leaf on a pizza or dye your Hollandaise blue?” she asks and we all nod sympathetically at some of the more recent South Australian Insta-foodexcesses.
Click plates
Stop serving stuff on boards, in mini fryer baskets or on rocks. Save your wacky creativity for the food. Food reviewer Anthony Huckstep recalls a place where pork belly arrived hung from a hook so it swung about like something between the hind legs of a donkey. “It was impossible to take a knife to it,” he says.
Stop serving stuff on boards, in mini fryer baskets or on rocks. Save your wacky creativity for the food. Food reviewer Anthony Huckstep recalls a place where pork belly arrived hung from a hook so it swung about like something between the hind legs of a donkey. “It was impossible to take a knife to it,” he says.
Burger obsession
Burgers often fall into that over-Instagrammed category (here again I’m staring sheepishly at my shoes) and Huckstep is not alone in calling for an end to those ridiculous burger towers. “They should be served with a side of defibrillator,” he says. And all those horrible sweet brioche or charcoal buns. “Give me a classic Aussie burger with beetroot in a savoury seeded bun any day,” he says and we all reply with a lusty “Aye!”
Burgers often fall into that over-Instagrammed category (here again I’m staring sheepishly at my shoes) and Huckstep is not alone in calling for an end to those ridiculous burger towers. “They should be served with a side of defibrillator,” he says. And all those horrible sweet brioche or charcoal buns. “Give me a classic Aussie burger with beetroot in a savoury seeded bun any day,” he says and we all reply with a lusty “Aye!”
Wing obsession
At least, as Tucker-Evans reports, the burger obsession is dying off in Queensland, though they’re being replaced with a massive surge in wing joints. “As much as I love a bit of bird between all the pubs, clubs, cafés, restaurants, diners and food trucks serving the snack with varying success, there’s such a thing as too much chicken,” she says.
At least, as Tucker-Evans reports, the burger obsession is dying off in Queensland, though they’re being replaced with a massive surge in wing joints. “As much as I love a bit of bird between all the pubs, clubs, cafés, restaurants, diners and food trucks serving the snack with varying success, there’s such a thing as too much chicken,” she says.
Food snobs
This final bite of sanity comes from our boss. “I can’t stand people judging you because you want to eat something daggy. So what if you like pineapple on your pizza or a parmi? Whatever.”
This final bite of sanity comes from our boss. “I can’t stand people judging you because you want to eat something daggy. So what if you like pineapple on your pizza or a parmi? Whatever.”
Well said, Kerrie McCallum. All your team agrees and thinks you’re wise beyond your years, but where do we stand on Chicken Twisties again?
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